Quand on parle sa langue maternelle, les mots viennent sans même pas y penser. Quand on parle sa deuxième langue, des fois les mots viennent moins vite et des fois ils ne viennent pas du tout. 
Translation : When speaking your mother tongue, words come without you even having to think about it. When speaking a second language, sometimes the words come slower and sometimes they don’t come at all.I am going to come clean.
For the past few weeks (since the je t'aime versus I love you conversation to be exact) I will admit that I have found myself using only about 20 % French with Poppette. Yes, I am disappointed with myself and yes, if I am totally honest, I have enjoyed the simplicity of speaking my mother tongue.
I have been seriously questioning my commitment to this bilingual ideal. I haven’t worked out yet whether it is because I am still too scared or simply just being a realist.
If our goal to move to France
So what to do?
I need to know how it feels when I commit myself fully. It doesn’t seem wise to take a decision whilst feeling like a doubting Thomas.
I have noticed that speaking French feels more natural the deeper I am immersed in the language e.g. when I am reading French language books and watching films/ TV and spending time chatting with French friends. When I chat in French (by which I mean in a two way conversation and not the unreciprocated type I currently engage in with Poppette) then my brain moves up a gear.
I find speaking French stimulating. Exciting. Somehow living my life in a second language adds a whole new dimension and layer of enjoyment. It is not quite so with unreciprocated conversation. During such conversations I am conscious of the lack of authenticity and I question my words and even my accent sometimes. It is easier to go off track or at least to feel that you might be doing so when there is no-one to bounce off. That said, I know that conversations with Poppette will not remain one way for long and it will be down to the decisions I make whether, when she is able respond, she is able to do so in one language or two.
So… I have a plan.
My plan is to immerse myself for a whole week in as much francophonie as possible and limit the impact and exposure to English in so far as I can (quite a task living here in the UK I know… but I’m game). In terms of TV, radio, music, literature – these will be limited to French only (I may even miss my favourite soap opera for a whole week…. but that could be pushing it just a little J ). I will make a conscious effort to avoid both phone chats and emails in English -my English friends and family will understand, afterall, it will only be for a week.
My hope is that this week of immersion will reignite the fire in my belly and my faith in this endeavour.
bonne maman! maybe you just need to re-think your strategy! it's true that if you don't feel authentic, it's hard to be a mommy. and remember your number one job is to connect with your child and help her to grow into an adult, not to teach her a foreign language! which is why i say, maybe another strategy will work better for you. instead of speaking to her exclusively in french all the time, why not a special day of the week or a french reading corner, or a special time of the day like bath time or bed time, or on special outings? this will take pressure off of you and allow those french times to be special and of high quality, rather than sporadic and filled with doubt and even a feeling of hypocrisy from you. don't give up your dream of teaching your child french, just readjust your dream to adapt to your situation. speaking french allows you to feel deeply fulfilled as an individual, let that be your guiding light in teaching your daughter and giving her this wonderful gift. lowering the bar isn't necessarily a bad thing! let me know how things go! bon courage! bisous, maria
ReplyDeleteWow. Maria's comment is awesome. I'm inspired by that, too, and admittedly, a bit tempted!
ReplyDeleteAnd what I was going to respond with before I read your response...:
I'm fascinated by your excitement to immerse, and also at your willingness to look inward and really address where you are at, what you are wanting, and what feels really good to you. I'm so eager to hear how this week goes for you...I didn't look at the dates to see where we're at, but I look forward to the follow-up post for sure!
And one quick thing about Maria's comments regarding your first job. I don't see them as necessarily needing to be separated. I think, as I've said in the past probably, that over time, they can become one. But like you said, if you're gonna do it, you gotta do it if you're really gonna be "in it".
I'm excited to see that you've been writing so much. I love reading your writing, and am eager to catch myself up on your posts!
Til then...
Tamara
A couple more things that I meant to mention...
ReplyDelete"If we don’t get there, I wonder whether I should be focusing on her English skills instead?"
It's become so clear to me that the majority language is NOT going to be an issue for our kids, barring any learning disabilities that some kids have. It's the minority languages that need the support from those of us that are passionate about instilling that 'way of life', specifically that multilingualism is natural and applauded, and can and will open doors to humanity.
I love how and what you said here:
"I find speaking French stimulating. Exciting. Somehow living my life in a second language adds a whole new dimension and layer of enjoyment. It is not quite so with unreciprocated conversation. During such conversations I am conscious of the lack of authenticity and I question my words and even my accent sometimes. It is easier to go off track or at least to feel that you might be doing so when there is no-one to bounce off."
I've been thinking over the past few days about how I really LOVE having this dimension in my life. Granted, some ease would be nice at times, but I'm finding that the challenge, as you mentioned in your email, is really adding a lot to my life. I love having a word of the day on my phone in German, love looking up new words that I don't know, love the idea (which will soon be a reality again) of reading a book and newspapers in German. And I know exactly what you mean about the challenge of the ONE way conversation--it drove me to the point, MANY a moment, of wanting to give up.
Kaya reciprocates now, and it really really does make a difference. Esp. now that she's getting to the point of REALLY excelling, particularly in English, but in German as well. I tried out a suggestion that Sarah had in regards to how I might respond in jest with Kaya, asking her "You want to eat a dog?" (in German) when she tells me (in English) that she wants to eat bread. I've noticed that it's making a difference in getting Kaya to switch languages...not necessarily all of the time, nor right away yet, but it's nice, if nothing else, to mix up my responses, too. I know this doesn't apply to you directly yet, but it's my way of saying, I hope you stick with it still. And hey, if you don't, there's nothing say that you can't change your mind. And then change it again. And again. And again. =)
@Maria and @Tamara thank you so much for your insightful and caring comments. It means a lot that you keep stopping by my blog to offer me support and encouragement.
ReplyDeleteAs for the "Immersion Week"... so far I have been so taken up with parenting (sleeping... weaning and all the other things that go hand in hand with raising a six month old bambina) that I haven't had the focus to carry out the immersion. Maria you really hit the nail on the head when you said that parenting comes first - not language teaching! But I am pleased to say that we are no longer languishing in the 20% french doldrums anymore... I would say there has been a steady increase and most days are between about 50% and 70% right now.