Back on the blogging horse

Wow, has it really been nearly five months since I wrote anything here on my beloved blog. Seriously, I can't believe it. Life has been a total whirlwind with my feet very rarely touching the floor for long enough for me to keep on top of everyday life, let alone indulge in the luxury of writing a blog post.

The last few times I wrote, I was most definitely feeling unsure as to whether I wanted to carry on speaking French with Poppette and Little Man. Knowing we were due a family holiday to France this August, however, I told myself that I would be a fool to stop before then as I ought at the very least give my children the opportunity to explore what they know (and, of course, show me and hopefully nip all my fears in the bud) whilst totally immersed.

I was right to wait.

Whoever spoke to Poppette, in what ever environment, be it in the local supermarket or pharmacy, the ticket lady on the merry-go-round, our French friends, our next door neighbours, she understood and spoke back to them. It was a crazy feeling to realise that my daughter (who will be 3 years old in less then two month's time) really speaks French and that, had I not pushed myself through the doubting and spoken to to her in French all this time, we would have arrived on holiday and she would have understood 'rien'! Likewise, for Little Man (now 17 months old) who, although he still only has a few French words in his spoken vocabulary, clearly understands French when it is spoken to him.

The holiday was amazing on many levels - I mean, put me in France and watch me float - just being there makes me happy. But to watch my children just fall into being a part of it all. Wow! Watching them play in French with our friends' two little boys (who are French and also French/ English bilinguals) was just brilliant... The game un, deux, trois soleil for one really seems to have stuck with both Poppette and Little Man who still cover their eyes every time they hear the words. Also, our friends spoke only French with my little ones which was priceless.

One day whilst in France, Poppette came to me and said "Maman, je veux manger" [Mummy, I would like something to eat] - until that point, she had always said "Maman, I want manger" so, in my eyes this was a huuuuge step..... the minority language immersion environment helped push the majority language out.

She's gone right back to saying "Maman, I want manger", now were home, but at least I know now that there are words in her head just waiting for the right opportunity to come back out and that this will be just the same with Little Man.

It's back to that old chestnut of just having faith. Believe it will work and it will. Keep working towards your goal. It's not always easy (far from it, at times, to be honest!!) but.... well, the proof is in the pudding.

Positivity

I just had to sit and write down my thoughts and feelings this evening to make sure that I capture this positive moment in black and white – it will hopefully help to keep me on the straight and narrow should I have a shaky moment going forward.

Speaking French with Poppette seems to have taken on a life of its own this week. I am trying to analyse why…. So that I can bottle it and use it as and when necessary!

We have had practically total immersion for a few days. Yesterday was spent with a French friend (my language swap buddy) and her three children and we didn’t speak English at all. It’s fabulous to be able to surround Poppette with others speaking this beautiful language.

I have been speaking exclusively French with Poppette this week and, to my great delight, I even maintained this when I had workmen over and when we were out and about. It definitely seems to be getting easier now that Poppette is becoming more and more interactive. Even though she cannot yet respond in any language, she is soaking up the speech around her and reacting to it. The crazy fact is that she understands French just as much as she understands English at this stage because she is surrounded by both languages. I have to pinch myself really to make myself believe that this is her reality. For me to stop now would be taking something away from her .

I have to admit that I am still lagging behind where I would like to be in terms of speaking French to Poppette in the company of friends and family. I have realised recently that, in large, the reason for this is that I actually fear (totally unjustifiably I might add) that people that have never heard me speak French might actually just think I am making it up… or that I am able to perhaps ask for directions or a cup of tea but over and above that am just overstating my capabilities.

Once a person has heard me speak French, I can and will happily speak French to Poppette in their company. Only the other day a friend was visiting and we were discussing my reticence to speak French to my daughter in company. She pointed out that, although I thought she had never heard me speaking French to Poppette, she had many times… it’s just that I hadn’t realised. She mentioned that, although I hadn’t really spoken French when she had been involved in the conversation, I had done so when she was present when the conversation was just between Poppette and I. As soon as my friend said this, I felt able to speak more and more French to Poppette in her company.

Likewise at playgroup, although the host had known of our bilingual home life since day one, I hadn’t actually spoken French to Poppette at playgroup for fear attracting strange looks. Then one day I attended with a French friend of mine and, of course, we chatted away in French amongst ourselves the whole time. After this I was totally at ease speaking to Poppette when there alone. Basically, once I knew I had nothing to prove, as these people had already witnessed my fluency, I felt totally at ease.

C R A Z Y.

Anyhow, the fact is that I am feeling super excited at the moment. Our bilingual household is really taking shape with our stocks of French books and toys and the like growing nicely.

Up until today I have made a point of only buying books and DVD’s for Poppette in French. Likewise for speaking toys such as her Tourni’ Piano by Vtech. So today when I nipped into town and bought her three finger puppet story books in English, I knew it was a sign that I was feeling more comfortable with this bilingual business and that it is feeling more established in our home. I will tell Poppette these stories in French whilst Papa does so in English. That said, English resources are so easy to come by that I know I will return my efforts back to the French ones now... I can't wait for my next trip accross the channel where I can load up my bags... sometimes buying online just isn't the same.

Wavering

 Quand on parle sa langue maternelle, les mots viennent sans même pas y penser. Quand on parle sa deuxième langue, des fois les mots viennent moins vite et des fois ils ne viennent pas du tout. 

 Translation : When speaking your mother tongue, words come without you even having to think about it. When speaking a second language, sometimes the words come slower and sometimes they don’t come at all.

I am going to come clean.

For the past few weeks (since the je t'aime versus I love you conversation to be exact) I will admit that I have found myself using only about 20 % French with Poppette. Yes, I am disappointed with myself and yes, if I am totally honest, I have enjoyed the simplicity of speaking my mother tongue.

I have been seriously questioning my commitment to this bilingual ideal. I haven’t worked out yet whether it is because I am still too scared or simply just being a realist.

If our goal to move to France comes off, Poppette will speak French anyway. If we don’t get there, I wonder whether I should be focusing on her English skills instead?

So what to do?

I need to know how it feels when I commit myself fully. It doesn’t seem wise to take a decision whilst feeling like a doubting Thomas.

I have noticed that speaking French feels more natural the deeper I am immersed in the language e.g. when I am reading French language books and watching films/ TV and spending time chatting with French friends. When I chat in French (by which I mean in a two way conversation and not the unreciprocated type I currently engage in with Poppette) then my brain moves up a gear.

I find speaking French stimulating. Exciting. Somehow living my life in a second language adds a whole new dimension and layer of enjoyment. It is not quite so with unreciprocated conversation. During such conversations I am conscious of the lack of authenticity and I question my words and even my accent sometimes.  It is easier to go off track or at least to feel that you might be doing so when there is no-one to bounce off. That said, I know that conversations with Poppette will not remain one way for long and it will be down to the decisions I make whether, when she is able respond, she is able to do so in one language or two.

So… I have a plan.

My plan is to immerse myself for a whole week in as much francophonie as possible and limit the impact and exposure to English in so far as I can (quite a task living here in the UK I know… but I’m game). In terms of TV, radio, music, literature – these will be limited to French only (I may even miss my favourite soap opera for a whole week…. but that could be pushing it just a little J ). I will make a conscious effort to avoid both phone chats and emails in English -my English friends and family will understand, afterall, it will only be for a week.

My hope is that this week of immersion will reignite the fire in my belly and my faith in this endeavour.